Computers. Hurting Babies?

It has been over a year now since my last update. I have been deep in the forest jungles of South America, watching babies in their national habitat. My observations have proven once and for now that babies still cannot figure out computers. Throughout my time in the jungle, I did not observe a single baby come within several hundred miles of any computer. So, this begs the question, why have these creatures not yet adapted to the modern world of tech-knowledgey?

Consider this, maybe babies can't use computers because they are caused harm by their mere presence. The best way to test this hypothesis is obviously to check the parenting forums of the world wide web for definitive answers from real world, baby rearers.

Jan Crambrangrer says:


"Is it dangerous if my baby is exposed to computers at home? We are living in an apartment, which is not so big. We have computers working most of the time, which is also near where my baby is unusually playing. With this, I am worried about my baby's health. I have heard about the negative effects of radiation to one's health and I'm confused if computers can be harmful, especially to baby.

Do you have the same experience? It would be great to hear some advices from other parents. Thank you!"


Clearly, this indicates the first credible evidence of computers harming babies.

Maulreen Stansconite says:

"we have a same problem too, in my home, i always open my pc near my baby ( she 5 months now), i hear too that some radiations can be negative effek to my baby so, now, i try to open my pc after my baby sleep. have a nice day"


Thanks Maulreen, Your contributions to science will never go unnoticed.

Providing some useful warnings for Maulreen, Trimothy Cranterbriffle exclaims:


"if you open your pc after your baby sleep that radiations can also your baby's health.com on!"


Trimmy, that's a good question for another day and another science blog. Do Babies get hurt by computers when they are sleeping? Thanks for the input Trimothy.

Evlerelle Grovlerboy comments:


"As practice at home I turn off the computer everytime my son is awake & make most of it when he is asleep. I know we are modernization stage I know proper time will come that he will learn how to use the computer but I don't want to rush things with him I just want him to enjoy his toddler stage without facing the computer."


Evla, can I call you that, Evla? How are you so sure he will learn the computer? If you had been keeping up with the blog, you'd know by now that there is no evidence available suggesting your baby will learn how to use the computer. Also, why have you built your toddler a stage? Do you have a building permit?

And then with the nail in the coffin, Franny Drandjyled discusses her important research:


"yup...
i did the presentation of computer before...
i done the research of the disadvantage of the computer...
the radiation is very high and we can't avoid it, only can management the time connect with the computer...

-the integrated screen often causes user to hunch over a better view. which can cause or spinal injuries.
-can raise the temperature of scrotum, it lead to damaging sperm count
-cause skin discoloration on the thighs."


Well thanks Franny D. There you have it. Conclusive evidence that babies don't want discolored thighs or people counting their scrotums.

Source: http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/2198500.aspx

Thought for the Day...

I was walking through the library the other day and BOOM, right in front of my eyes... a BABY using a COMPUTER. "I've got to update my blog," I yelled. Then, it looked at me. Turns out it wasn't quite a baby after all, just a midget. What can we deduce from this?

1. Previously we had thought that maybe babies can't use computers because they have tiny fingers and little toes. Clearly this can be ruled out.
2. Yelling in the libraries can lead to important scientific discoberies.
3. Babies probably can't check their e-mail.

Are Babies More Susceptible to Computer Viruses than Real People?

To test this theory out, we plugged this baby up to some firewire cables and pumped it full of trojans.

It immediately started showing signs of lag and making noises that, based on careful pediolinguistics, could only have been baby-talk attempts at inquiring about credit card numbers and other personal information. We couldn't reformat the baby right away because the road had a lot of pot holes in it and we didn't want our tools to be at risk of flying out of the truck bed.

Conclusions:

1. Babies are not responsible about updating their virus protection definitions, which further supports that they cannot even use computers really.
2. Check weather forecasts because unplugging the babies' connections can be dangerous in the rain because you might shock yourself or fry your equipment.
3. After being infected with viruses, babies are bad at remembering their home addresses otherwise you would be able to return them safely to their mothers.

What suggestions do you have for making this experiment better? What experiments could we perform in the future that would enhance our knowledge of the disconnection between babies and the computing world?

Babies vs. Computers: Who is Really in Control?

Shocking video discovered by Ham Frown(alias)



This brings up the obvious question:  What are the environmental implications of babies and their yet to be determined computing futures?  discuss.

Important Info

Listen everyone, I don't want this place turning into somewhere where we all just talk about how stupid babies are and how they can't figure out computers yet just because they can't log on and read this stuff.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and everything, but come on, lets just be civil about it.  Baby bashers can go elsewhere.  Why don't you pick on somebody your own age.

Update!!!

Still can't, far as I can tell.

Great Question!

One of my followers, "jamie," asked a great question today.  He said "how do i put t his om my RSs feeds?"

Great Question jamie!  Here are some simple instructions for you and everyone else to accomplish this:

For non-babies:
http://www.ehow.com/how_2050575_add-rss-feed-blogger.html


For babies:
Sorry! you can't use computers yet!  instructions coming later maybe.

Have a great day!